The year of 2025 I learned how to be pushed as leader, realized I’m not alone in this battle and that my emotions aren’t reality. As I write about my past year, I don’t want to seem negative. I learned a lot about myself and leadership there was highs and a lot of lows.

November of 2024 a devoted man of Christ who I knew past away. It was sudden and tragic. I was able to visit him several months prior. We talked about our goals and how we were excited to spread the gospel to the whole world and daunting places on this planet. The grief of seeing his family and my friend hurt struck me. As well being alone where no one I knew understood this man was a hard burden. It affected me way more than I expected. I did not make it an ideal situation for me as I did not tell anyone around me what was happening. I had some chats with people back home and pushed through. My friends knew there was something wrong with me but I thought the burden of them knowing wasn’t something wanted to share. I realize after that I needed to be more open with things in my life. Then going into the holidays it was different as I was with other foreigners who couldn’t leave the country for money reasons. We did the best we could but the desolated amount of people took the weight of how much I missed my friends and family back home. I was blessed with gifts and care from people that I barely knew and loved me more than I could say. 

The year was a blast as we saw thousands of fireworks being shot off til late hours of the night. Surrounded by friends and joy and laughter. Not knowing what the adventures of the year would be to come. At this time I started to be in the middle of working on my visa to stay in the country long term. It was an isolated, intense project, trusting God and learning from other’s failures before me. Thankfully, I was provided a lawyer for free as well as help from friends who had previously done this. 

At this time I was put in leadership of our media team. I provided the necessary projects and training to others to get what was needed. I was the head of it all. It was my all and I truly enjoyed it. Fixing past mistakes and looking at goals and visions for the future. Video project ideas and planning to fundraise and raise money for tools and equipment. I was excited.

Suddenly in February I became very ill. I was hit with pneumonia. I had never been this sick in my life. A total of one month of sitting in my apartment. Watching movies, reading, and scrolling on my phone. My body when energized enough to go on a walk became exhausted to then go back to watching movies or tv programs. I sat around and started to question my identity. Was I more than just the work I’m doing? What good am I if I sit here and not preach the gospel or help to spread the Kingdom? What’s the point of me being here if I’m sick? Somehow though during this time I was given enough energy to go and marry my two friends who eloped. Thankfully I didn’t go to the hospital until the next day when I then received the news I had pneumonia. The wedding was peaceful and simple. I was thankful and honoured to marry two people I much appreciated. To sign the papers and be part of their story.

After this stint of sickness, I started a part time Bible school. I had done the first part of the program that past fall and was called to finish off the second half of the class once a week. About 90 minutes of worship and celebrating who God was and what He was doing. An hour teaching and 30 minutes of breaking it down and talking in groups. The teachings were scattered and very profound. I found each week looking forward to centering my eyes back on God in that time. Receiving revelation of who I was. Confirming my identity. And giving up things that still I hung on to from the old, dead Nick. 

April was a lot of fun with my mother coming out to see me. Not knowing what her son had been spending his early adult years doing, she got to see firsthand how the ministry I work for operated and ran. She hung out with my close friends and got to hang out with me again after several years. She then left and I was quite sad not having her around. At the same time a new friend I made and a past who I met in Sri Lanka came to visit. It was full of joy and laughter. No worries about the future or any stress for today. Knowing God was with us and we were going to heaven. My friends then left and things went south. 

The organization I worked and still work, had a major leadership changes and new authority put in. It was big shock to most people and the effect of how it hit everyone had wripples that I had never seen before. People started talking and stories were being spread. Friends were now people with whom I questioned their trust and authority. I knew I was supposed to be at the organization and I understood the truth would prevail. After several weeks of talks and seeing all the sides. Then I knew the truth. I was happy to be at peace, I had to make a stand with what I knew about people’s character previously and also forgiving those who broke my trust. It was a hard time but shifted how I lead people and ultimately saw the world around me. My purposeful ignorance wasn’t allowed any more. And I need to see things for what they were.

After this incident the programs stopped and we had a month to recover and get ready for the next school coming in. Something that I never knew could happen so fast hit me. I became burnt out. I don’t like this term, it seemed overplayed when I was growing up. But it’s the truth. I thought it was weak and anyone who couldn’t see burnout coming was a fool, but here I was. I was so tired and exhausted. I had not taken a day off beside by weekly routine for 8 months. I was beside the cliff and was about to fall off. My patience was slim, my work had become dull and days were long. I was wanting an escape but didn’t know how to get it. I don’t know how to rest. In desperation I turned to leaving the state of Hawaii. I was still in limbo waiting for my visa to return and could not leave the country. So I prayed and I was led to Florida. 

Going to Florida was a long story. To give a summary I was able to buy a truck, reconnect with my uncle and aunt and see several friends throughout a long, exhausting road trip. 

As I got back to the rhythm of things, my boss pulled me to the side one day. While I had been currently working in the organization as the head of media, I was then being stripped of that and moved. An unfortunate circumstance occurred where the current leaders who ran our food drive became extremely overwhelmed and had to step down. Because I was the only one with experience and understanding I had to take over. By the end of the day I packed up all I had. I had to give up on the videos that were still in process and inform the staff under me that we were being pulled away. It was sad, but exciting as something new to do outside an office. 

In July I went to Utah. I slept on the streets to evangelize and be led by the Spirit. We worked at a recovery house for ex-polygamists who didn’t have a place to go or feared for their lives against the cults they were stuck in. It was a wild trip that blew my expectations away. Another crazy story of how God showed up. 

August was not what I expected. I was planning on shooting a wedding in Canada as well working to gain some cash. My visa had not been received yet so I stayed in Hawaii and went to the most breathtaking wedding I had ever experienced of my friend Josiah. It was a traditional Hawaiian wedding. We got to work on the property before to clear it up for the ceremony. They were hot days but truly worth it. 

At this time I was starting to feel the pressure. The year before, I had a dream to go to Japan. I talked with my higher ups and figured October was the best and only viable option. I had no visa and no concrete plans as of August. But the Lord soon provided. Our neighbours were moving to Japan and had many connections there. I received a place to stay, churches to help out at and people to meet. I was firm that the Lord would give me my visa. Then as September came I received it. My approval to leave the country. I got on the next plane and could go see my family. The timing worked. It was short trip then I went back to Hawaii and left for Japan. 

Before I went to Japan I was asked to be a leader for our Bible Program we run here: 17 students from all over the world; 5 staff who would lead them for the next three months in character growth, understanding their identity in God and selfless service to the local community. At first I didn’t have any expectations, but soon was excited as I met all of them. 

Japan was my highlight of the year for sure. It is a structured environment with darkness hiding behind it. As I fled to Japan, the Lord opened my eyes to truly show the fear I needed to have to Him. I realized that when I feared Him things were put in authority where they belonged. I could see where I stood as the team lead and be excited for it. The entire trip I was filled with supernatural energy. No matter the time or hour I never got tired when I need to be alert. I was ready. My team was easy to lead with a group of 7 of us. Our hosts were amazing and the people we met showed us the preparation they were making for Japan as revival was breaking through the walls. I had peace while in Japan knowing I would come back and serve them again. 

One thing I had been praying for about 2 years was a vehicle. When I went to Florida in June I bought a truck. I had to leave it there as I had no money to ship it out here. God gave me all I needed and I got my truck. This was one of the biggest changes in my life. The truck was something I use for surfing, my friends’ odd jobs, and letting other people without a vehicle use it. I asked God to give me something to help my friends and He did. I got something way better than I thought I would revive. A beautiful 2002 ford ranger blue extended cab side step truck. 

During the Fall season I started realizing my emotions through out the whole year had control over me. Lots of good ones, but really an unhealthy routine I had and not going to refreshing things caused unstability. Thankfully I have been the most content and calm in the last quarter of the year. The Lord has shown me how small most of my problems are when I focus solely on Him. 

To end this off I ask for three things; 

Pray for wisdom for me, which the fear of the Lord is the start of wisdom 

Pray for provision in my life 

And pray for my future marriage. Currently I have no girlfriend and have no desire to be married as my life is simple. The past two years the Lord has turned my heart from someone who never thought they could get married because of how I looked at myself, to a man that desires the greater things in life—the hard things. It would be easy to not. But I signed up to follow God and His plans. He has convicted me to get married, so I will. I also know from this year to ask for help. So pray for me and my future God-fearing wife.